Crackling Paint

I find myself standing entranced near the window sill. The paint has crackled from the slow leek of air brushing past for near eighty years. I can see the many layers of paint- layers upon layers. I wonder not if the woman that picked the ageing yellow to cover the red knew the effort she was to endure. My mind did not think of her husband sitting in his rocker, as I had imagined so many times before, reading his evening paper smoking his pipe by the low light from his lamp. No, this time my mind stands still as I face this paned window. Protected by the very thin glass, knowing at any moment it too can shatter like any other glass house.
I know you've come while I was away. I can smell your perfume in the air and hear your laughter filling the void of which once conversation stood tall. We made our own memories in this cottage. The wooden floors have scuffs and mars from our heels shuffling in the wee hours before dawn to the sound from the old wind up phonograph. Perhaps your timid energy lingers here in the silence of this now, every increasing empty silence.
Farewell, my Phantom Lover, Farewell

The Ever-Changing List Naive List

1) Learn to knit, so I can one day knit a blanket, scarf, or long chain for my grandchildren


2) Start and continue an exercise regime, even if it kills me


3) Do sit ups everyday for 3 months


4) Learn to accept my body and all it’s imperfections



5)Read novels I should have already read and classics I read a long time ago to see if my feelings have changed.



6) Kiss in Paris


7) Write a memoir in a villa near Tuscany


8) Buy furniture without anyone's approval


9) Take my children to a Broadway show.


10) Have children


11) Buy a Jeep


12) Spend a summer in New York



13) Finish writing a book


14) Buy something expensive for someone whom cannot afford it


15) Buy an old house and remodel it completely to my (our) likings


16) Have a date in a hot air balloon


17) Buy a 1963 VW Bug and restore as much as possible with my own hands.


18) Take my children to a Yankee's or Redsox game


19) Wear more organically produced clothing


20) Paint something I'm proud to hang in my home


21) Take a multi-vitamin every day until the bottle is gone.


22) Go through everything I own, in every room, and donate the things I do not use.


23) Build a deck out my back door.


24) Master a recipe and become well-known for it.


25) Have my Mother's "Mother's ring" fitted to my size


26) Master the guitar.


27) Get my cedar chest, Grandmother's China, and Grandmother's silverware from my parent's.


28) Get a box for my children's "keepsakes"


29) Become wildly active in a cause I believe in.


30) Visit Ireland and stand on the cliff in the pictures.


31) Visit South Africa


32) Get married!
33)
34)
35)
36)
37)
38) Adjust list regularly and always be mindful of it.
39) Visit Australia with the intention of never coming back.
40) Never be content with life. ALWAYS pursue passion for passion's sake

A Drifter's Barter

One last emeritus prayer
The familiar morning dew
I regretfully bid you adieu
I'm no longer content inhaling my native air

I'll soon be gone from these plains
Even now, I recall how the prairie raised me
I've traded the cottonwood and mesquite for the bluebonnets and heat
I look upon my youth with no disdain
"One ticket, please... for Southbound train"

Or Maybe You Do

You give your hand to me
Then you say hello
I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don't know me
No, you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend
That's all I've ever been
'Cause you don't know me
I never knew
The art of making love
Though my heart aches
With love for you
Afraid and shy
I've let my chance to go by
The chance that you might
Love me, too
You give your hand to me
And then you say good-bye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
You'll never never know
The one who loves you so
Well, you don't know me
You give your hand to me,
baby Then you say good-bye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
No, no, you'll never ever know
The one who loves you so
Well, you don't know me

The Wonder Years

We sit here in the still quiet of the Victorian decorated room
blankly starring at one another-
Two strangers intrigued and terrified.
What if she catches me?
What if she sees my interest?
Perhaps she was merely starring at the way my face blurred without her glasses
Perhaps she was afraid to look into my eyes.
I know I was intimidate by the depth I saw...
A lifetime worth of searching for someone to love her,
The One that would place their hands upon her skin and cause a fiery electric charge-
A life of walking cobblestone streets searching strangers' faces for intrigue
Only to turn up empty handed and met with curteous nods.
Growing up is never easy. On anyone.
Her hunger for life and zealous intention for love and passion made it more difficult than most
For she... she knew that her Someone was searching the indiscriminate places too

You have broken me all the way down,down upon my knees.And you have broken me all the way down,you'll be the last, you'll see.Some fight you gave,and I pushed you awayfrom me.And in the morning when you turn inI'll be far to sea.And you have broken me all the way down.You'll be the last, you'll see.And what chance have we gotwhen you've missed every shotfor me?And in the morning when you turn inI'll be out of reach.And in the darkness when you find thisI'll be far to sea.And you have broken me all the way down.You'll be the last, you'll see.

Things I Want to Write About, But Cannot.

Your eyes
Your smile
The feeling you make me feel.
The helplessness I feel when I think of you
The hunger I have
World Peace
Adoption
South Africa
Brown eyes
The satisfying feeling a Snickers and Coke makes me feel. ...
The questions I have in my head...
But most of all... was it real.